by Derek O'Neill
It is hard to have a satisfying partnership if your ego is out of alignment with love. What do I mean by that? As you sit with yourself, your feelings, your past experiences, and your self-image, it is common to want to deflect, avoid or ignore the things that cause us fear, lack of confidence and a feeling of being incomplete.
When you push away the part of your ego you’d rather not deal with, it is very hard to feel self-love and acceptance.
If we come to a relationship thinking we can align our ego “separate” from our partner, rather than “with” our partner, we are running from our shadows, which will manifest in disharmony. You must embrace who you are before you can enter a partnership. That’s not about being what you perceive as “perfect” or “issue-free.” It’s knowing that when two people get together they bring their baggage with them. Unpacking it is what a relationship...
Love is about trust and most importantly, self-trust. How can you trust anyone else if you don’t believe in yourself? So many people are scared to trust their feelings, their decisions and who they really are. The fear of judgment and rejection can dictate your life. Past hurt, betrayal, abandonment, and/or disappointments can be internalized, and then become a forecast for what you expect in your life. On the surface, remaining fearful, hanging out on the sidelines of love and connection is a self-protective gesture. Who would want to be hurt again? Of course, it makes perfect sense to react this way, but not practical sense if you want to move beyond painful incidents in your past. Once again, fear is trying to tell you something. Our hearts close when we are fearful. How can we stay open to give and receive love?
You’ve probably had the experience in life when you’ve...
Although we can understand the ideas behind forgiveness and see its wisdom, the process of bringing forgiveness into our lives and applying it to situations where we are wounded and angry can be challenging.
Having an open heart is the best protection against being hurt. Vulnerability is something we try to avoid, but in reality, looking at each situation and person with an open heart strengthens you no matter if someone harms you or treats you unfairly.
Closing down your heart and never finding it within yourself to learn to forgive doesn’t protect you from pain.
On the contrary, you will ultimately have more suffering if you attach to the anger that arose from the hurt. Vulnerability is one of the greatest strengths a person has. If you are vulnerable, you will never be hurt, but if you are angry and fearful, then hurt is on the way – if it has not already arrived! Vulnerability is having the courage to say to...
Everyone struggles between awareness and judgment. Awareness just is. Judgment is not. Awareness and judgment are a double-edged sword with an extraordinarily sharp blade. The way to know the difference between the two is to feel it in your body. The discernment of awareness has no fear. It just is.
The discernment of judgment cuts hard, and when you find out you judged wrong, it creates pain. If you want to know the difference between the two, it is a feeling. Awareness is sent down the tube of easy reality. Judgment is sent down the tube of your will. The most important awareness is to be aware that you are not aware of anything.
What is causing most of the pain is judgment. Judgment comes from information from others, gleaned from others in this lifetime and past. Judgment causes a lot of pain. Judgment comes from comparing yourself to others.
If we take the word judgment and transfer it to conditioning, well, then you know why you are here. You have come here to have your...
by Derek O'Neill
What does it mean to be authentic in who you are? And what kind of challenges might you face by taking on the task of being authentically who you are?
Being authentic means looking at yourself in a critical way. Not criticizing, just having a critical eye, the same way you would ask someone to give you feedback or healthy criticism. Eventually we may even get to a stage where we realize that we are programmed to lie to ourselves the majority of the time. Our family, friends and environment all contribute to how we think we should think and feel – but how do we know when we are authentic to ourselves?
Being authentic is knowing that what you wear doesn’t make you who you are. Neither does the material things you have, nor where you come from or who your family is… All of that just creates a false sense of self you identify with. Who you really are transcends all of those programs.
The closer we get to our...