by Derek O'Neill
It is hard to have a satisfying partnership if your ego is out of alignment with love. What do I mean by that? As you sit with yourself, your feelings, your past experiences, and your self-image, it is common to want to deflect, avoid or ignore the things that cause us fear, lack of confidence and a feeling of being incomplete.
When you push away the part of your ego you’d rather not deal with, it is very hard to feel self-love and acceptance.
If we come to a relationship thinking we can align our ego “separate” from our partner, rather than “with” our partner, we are running from our shadows, which will manifest in disharmony. You must embrace who you are before you can enter a partnership. That’s not about being what you perceive as “perfect” or “issue-free.” It’s knowing that when two people get together they bring their baggage with them. Unpacking it is what a relationship...
Love is about trust and most importantly, self-trust. How can you trust anyone else if you don’t believe in yourself? So many people are scared to trust their feelings, their decisions and who they really are. The fear of judgment and rejection can dictate your life. Past hurt, betrayal, abandonment, and/or disappointments can be internalized, and then become a forecast for what you expect in your life. On the surface, remaining fearful, hanging out on the sidelines of love and connection is a self-protective gesture. Who would want to be hurt again? Of course, it makes perfect sense to react this way, but not practical sense if you want to move beyond painful incidents in your past. Once again, fear is trying to tell you something. Our hearts close when we are fearful. How can we stay open to give and receive love?
You’ve probably had the experience in life when you’ve...
Everyone struggles between awareness and judgment. Awareness just is. Judgment is not. Awareness and judgment are a double-edged sword with an extraordinarily sharp blade. The way to know the difference between the two is to feel it in your body. The discernment of awareness has no fear. It just is.
The discernment of judgment cuts hard, and when you find out you judged wrong, it creates pain. If you want to know the difference between the two, it is a feeling. Awareness is sent down the tube of easy reality. Judgment is sent down the tube of your will. The most important awareness is to be aware that you are not aware of anything.
What is causing most of the pain is judgment. Judgment comes from information from others, gleaned from others in this lifetime and past. Judgment causes a lot of pain. Judgment comes from comparing yourself to others.
If we take the word judgment and transfer it to conditioning, well, then you know why you are here. You have come here to have your...
by Derek O'Neill
Feeling pain and hurt is the only way to truly see that you are the one that gives it size and shape in your life.
Forgiveness is a powerful, often misunderstood, human experience. When we have been hurt or wronged by someone, one of the most natural reactions is to feel anger. If the anger persists, it can lead to deep resentments that may affect us for years. The idea of forgiving the offending party can seem impossible, unfair, and perhaps too difficult to even consider.
While forgiving others can begin with an understanding of what happened, and draw from a wide range of spiritual teachings about human nature, it is important to understand that forgiveness benefits you more than anyone else. We give a gift to ourselves when we forgive. No matter how serious the action that harmed us, working towards the goal of forgiveness will heal your heart and soul in a way that no person or event can ever take from you. Being a forgiving person...
by Derek O'Neill
What does it mean to be authentic in who you are? And what kind of challenges might you face by taking on the task of being authentically who you are?
Being authentic means looking at yourself in a critical way. Not criticizing, just having a critical eye, the same way you would ask someone to give you feedback or healthy criticism. Eventually we may even get to a stage where we realize that we are programmed to lie to ourselves the majority of the time. Our family, friends and environment all contribute to how we think we should think and feel – but how do we know when we are authentic to ourselves?
Being authentic is knowing that what you wear doesn’t make you who you are. Neither does the material things you have, nor where you come from or who your family is… All of that just creates a false sense of self you identify with. Who you really are transcends all of those programs.
The closer we get to our...